People on the Floor Really Do Hate Each Other

Peerless was at work yesterday and he saw 2 brokers getting into an argument.  The divergence of opinion reached its peak when one of the participants told the other fellow that he was "going to beat the living shit out of him."  Then, almost the exact same as NHL officials try to break up a fight after the 2 combatants run out of steam, several Exchange Employees stepped in and separated the warring factions.  Instead of going to the Penalty Box, the Broker who made the threat received a 2 day suspension (The floor equivalent of a 5 min major for fighting).  

Peerless reflected on this behavior after he went home for the day and realized he sees people performing all sorts of behavior that would keep an entire army of Human Resources Personnel busy arranging severance packages and defusing employee abuse lawsuits at normal companies. However, as mentioned before, the Floor is like Prison so disputes there are handled very much like a fight in the prison yard.

Basically, people fight because of the intense pressure of trying to trade as events rapidly unfold.  The fever pitch of the market causes high anxiety and people snap.  Peerless himself has on many an occasion yelled nasty things at another trader and can testify that it feels as if an evil spirit has taken over and the venom just spews out of his mouth.  Many of the brokers have rivalries with each other because this profession almost requires people to have a huge ego just to get in the door.  Therefore, it will be inevitable for people to just snap if they feel someone is getting the better of them.  

Here are some of the better fighting/argument stories Peerless has witnessed over his 10 years:

1.  Peerless watched 2 Brokers who were in fact Brothers beat up another trader in the street outside the exchange after a dispute boiled over into fisticuffs.  However, the 2 brothers failed to be disciplined by the Exchange because it just so happened they themselves were on the committee that handled Discipline.  They simply voted against themselves being sanctioned and got another person to vote with them (it was a 5 man committee).

2.  2 brokers who happened to be rather large individuals decided to hold Wrestlemania in the pit one day.  The reason, the first guy called the other "a big fat piece of shit" and the response was "At least I am not fucking my Clerk."

3.  In another recent event, Peerless' former boss had sadly suffered from a heart attack and decided to retire from trading.  He decided to come back to the floor to bid people farewell.  Another person who had never gotten along with the retiring individual nonetheless went up to him and tried to wish him well and mentioned he looked good considering what he had been through.  Peerless' Former Boss Replied "I had a heart attack, perhaps you should have one as well."

4.  Peerless has heard of similar stories but this event actually involved him.  He was going to Paris for a business trip and as he was leaving, someone gave Peerless a $100 bill and told him to take out flight insurance on himself because the other person was feeling lucky.

5.  Peerless and his first boss had a strong rivalry going on because Peerless left the company and the former Boss took it as a personal affront.  In fact, myself and the former boss used to taunt each other across the trading ring.  One time, Peerless got a rather large order and walked into the ring and flipped off his former Boss and called him "a fat blubbering piece of shit".  Other times, the former Boss would yell other pleasantries back at Peerless and would get a similar response in kind. At one point, Peerless wanted to make a Matrix Style Video where himself and the former Boss would fight each other Matrix style in the same way Neo fought Mr Smith in the movie.  

As a happy postscript, the 2 of us eventually reconciled after my father went to the hospital for a heart attack and the former boss was concerned.  On the same note after the boss also suffered a heart attack, Peerless was also very sad and concerned and checked on him to see if he was ok.  So now, talking about the former arguments is like recalling old war stories.  

Unfortunately, most of the times people where Peerless works are too bitter to reconcile with anyone and the hatred runs deep and rampant.  It totally wouldn't surprise me to hear people who have never worked in the trading profession being totally horrified that this behavior exists.  I won't try to justify why it happens but can only say it is part of what a person becomes when they choose to work in such an aggressive environment.

That being said, no one better get the idea of introducing yoga classes to the Floor as a method of stress management.

Peerless Really Has Been Everywhere

If there is 1 Artist Peerless Likes, it most certainly is Johnny Cash.  The Man in Black was the Ultimate cool and if there is 1 person Peerless would like to hang out with in a Bar, it would be Mr Cash.  

Anyway, Johnny Cash wrote a song called "I've Been Everywhere" that many people know from the commercial for a major hotel chain.  One day, Peerless listened to the song and all the places Johnny Cash mentions and realized that he also had been to many of the same places (including ones not mentioned because they dont fit with the Lyric Properties of the song).  So on that note (pardon the pun) here are the places listed in "I've been everywhere" and Peerless' commentary on the said places.

Reno- Was here and lost money gambling.
Chicago- Peerless has been here many times.  Great city and even better for restaurants.
Fargo- Not only has Peerless been here, but he almost died in a blizzard driving to this place.  In fact, everytime someone mentions Fargo, Peerless breaks out in a sweat.
Minnesota- Another place Peerless has been many times.  The people are very nice and there are such interesting place names.  For example, Yellow Medicine County.  WTF is Yellow Medicine anyway and why would one want to take it?
Buffalo- Been there done that.  Hope you like 80" of snow every winter because that is what you will get.
Toronto- For his 21st Birthday, Peerless went north with his Fraternity Brothers for the Beer and the Strip Clubs. In fact, Toronto was the first time Peerless saw what a Vaginal Piercing was.
Winslow- Peerless has been in Winslow, NJ (south of Philly) for a wedding.  The bride wore a strapless dress and the tattoo she had of an Angel on her left breast was visible for all to see.  He hopes that got airbrushed out of the wedding album.
Sarasota- Was there.  Couldnt give a shit.
Wichita- Peerless was never there and thanks god for that.
Tulsa- Been to Oklahoma but not Tulsa
Ottawa- There is an Ottawa in Illinois and Peerless went there for work.  it is also the place he got a shovelful of burning corn accidentally dropped on him because the idiot cleaning up the grain silo didnt look where he was dumping the stuff.  But Peerless isnt bitter or holding a grudge.

Oklahoma- Peerless was here in Oklahoma City.  But, it must be said he doesn't care much for the place.  Besides the tornadoes, Peerless has a friend whose car was totaled by Softball sized hail and saw the photos to prove it.
Tampa- Peerless was here but doesnt really care for any part of FLA north of Miami
Panama- Peerless was in the "Redneck Riviera" otherwise known as Panama City Beach.  The closest he got to the actual nation of Panama was listening to "Mr Panama" talking about the Strip Clubs there (see earlier posting).
Mattawa- Not to Mattawa but have been to Matawan, NJ.
LaPaloma- No Idea about this one.
Bangor- Been to 2 Bangors...Bangor, ME and Bangor, PA
Baltimore- Peerless was here, got crabs (the ones from Cheasapeak Bay)
Salvador- Peerless was in Salvador, Brazil.  A very interesting place.
Amarillo- Peerless has never been here but thinks that if you happen to go there, you must be in big trouble because there is nothing there.
Tocapillo- Never Been
Barranquilla- Located in Columbia, Barranquilla resembles something out of a Star Wars movie between the Drug Lords, the Communist Guerillas, and the other hoodlums.  Peerless has not been to this hell hole but will be sure to bring Han Solo and the Millenium Falcon when he does go.
Padilla- Not Been

Boston- Peerless has been.  Liked it.
Charleston- Charleston WV.  A little joke: How do you know Jesus wasn't Born in W Virginia? Because they couldnt find 3 wise men and a Virgin.  Ho Ho Ho.
Dayton- Was there. Remember the episode of WKRP in Cincinnati when Dr. Johnny Fever had to go to Dayton at nighttime and Mr. Carlson tells him to be very careful?  Well, Mr Carlson was right.
Louisiana- Peerless Was here and thinks they should not have been allowed to reenter the Union after the Civil War Ended.
Washington- Washington DC and Washington State.  Peerless went to both.
Houston- "Heaven, Hell, or Houston"  After being to Houston, Peerless would take his chances on the first two places mentioned.
Kingston- Been to Kingston, PA (outside of Scranton)
Texarkana- Was there once.  Hot as hell.
Monterey- Peerless wasnt there but the guy from the bodega below his apartment is from there.
Fairaday- Located in Minnesota along I-35, Peerless went through there more than 1x and probably used the bathroom at the gas station there.
Santa Fe- not been.
Tallapoosa- another not been
Glen Rock- Glen Rock, NJ.  Has been
Black Rock- Not yet.
Little Rock- Was there.  Peerless has to say that while most people dont rate Arkansas highly, Little Rock and Fayetteville (Home of University of Arkansas) have some really hot women.  
Oskaloosa- Oskaloosa, Iowa.  A place that will live in infamy because Peerless had to listen to some asshole farmer rant about Jews for 10 minutes without realizing that Peerless Himself was a member of "the Tribe".  Another place they can rule out as the Birthplace of Jesus.
Tennessee- Liked it very much.
Chicopee- In Minnesota, Peerless drove through here.
Spirit Lake- In North Dakota, Peerless used to live about 100 miles from there in Minot.  Famous for its Nuclear Missile Silos.
Grand Lake- Have not been there.
Devil's Lake- Another place in North Dakota.  If Peerless was in charge of the Witness Protection Program, he would place the criminals here because they will wish they were killed within 2 hours of being relocated to this god forsaken place.
Crater Lake- Not Been but Peerless wants to Run the Crater lake marathon.  Very pretty.

Louisville- Very Nice place, Very Nice Women.
Nashville- A very Cool Place, Peerless Imagined himself walking in the Footsteps of Johnny Cash
Knoxville- Not Been but Peerless wants to go to a University of Tennessee game.
Ombabika- Only God knows where this place is.
Schefferville- No
Jacksonville- Peerless was here.  Unfortunately, Jacksonville is also the location where the Eagles lost the Super Bowl and Donovan McNabb Threw up on the field instead of trying to win the game.
Waterville- Waterville, Maine.  Peerless liked this place because they had great Seafood.
Costa Rock- No
Pittsfield- In Massachusetts, Peerless drove through.
Springfield- Many different Springfields but Peerless spent a lot of time in Springfield, Illinois. He dated a girl there once who didn't know Kansas was a State in spite of the fact she owned a Kansas University Sweatshirt.  
Bakersfield- Nothing there but Jackrabbits, Earthquakes, and undocumented foreigners.
Shreveport- No
Hackensack- Duh, right across the River from NYC.  Yes Peerless was here.
Cadillac- No
Fond du Lac- North of Madison, Wisc. Peerless was there.  Lots of Dairy Cows.
Davenport- One of the Quad Cities, Davenport was a nice place.
Idaho- One of the few states Peerless has never been.
Jerrico- Jerrico on Long Island...Peerless has been there for many a Bar Mitzvah and Bris.
Argentina-  A great Country.  Best (and cheapest) eats of any country Peerless has traveled to.
Diamantina- No
Pasadena- Peerless went there for the first Super Bowl between Dallas and Buffalo
Catalina- No

Pittsburgh- Yes
Parkersburg- There is a Parkersburg outside Philly and Peerless was there.
Gravelbourg- No
Colorado- Yes.  Peerless wants to go to Boulder and train in the Rocky Mountains
Ellensburg- No
Rexburg- See the comment above on Idaho
Vicksburg- Drove through but didnt stop to see the famous battlefield.
Eldorado- No
Larimore- No
Adimore- No
Haverstraw- In Mass.  Yes
Chatanika- No
Shasta- Would like to go.  N California is very Pretty.
Nebraska- One of Peerless' best friends is from Nebraska.  In fact Peerless went there to work (get hazed) on a Hog Farm when he was training to be a Grain Trader (a story on this will follow).
Alaska- No unfortunately.  Peerless would probably like it very much.
Opalacka- In Florida but never been
Baraboo- in Wisc.  Peerless drove through and also has a good friend in NY who is from there.
Waterloo- Waterloo, Iowa.  Peerless was there.
Kalamazoo- Not been, but a lot of people are out of work from there.
Kansas City- Was there.  Didnt care for it.
Sioux City- Peerless has been to this town and the 2 below it.  They are all in Iowa
Cedar City- " " "
Dodge City- " " "

So there you have it.  Peerless has been to most of the places mentioned in the song.  Now, he is thinking about writing a Country Music tune in reverse.  This means he will get his House, Wife, and Pickup Truck returned to him.

Peerless (and 3 million others) remember 9/11

A brief apology for not writing in almost a week (more on that next time). With that out of the way, lets discuss today's comedy of errors.

As if Mondays aren't bad enough on their own merit.  Peerless awoke to news of a Health Emergency concerning Swine Flu in Mexico and 8 students in NYC coming down with it from a trip to Cancun over their Spring Break.  With the various government agencies all verklempt over what to do and how to do it, it made for an interesting morning, if not just outright depressing.

Then, around 10:15, myself and the rest of the trading floor are told to evacuate the building IMMEDIATELY as there is an emergency situation developing.  Everyone rushes out of the building to see a 747 Buzzing the Statue of Liberty and being trailed by 2 F-16 fighter jets.  The first buzzword people think of is Hijacking.  Many of the people I work with are 9/11 survivors and just the thought of a repeat attack has many trembling.  

It turns out the 747 was being used for an Air Force promotional film and, in fact, was one of the planes that comprise Air Force 1.  Furthermore, the wizards at the FAA didn't tell the NYC government that they were going to be filming a promotional video so everyone from normal people to the Police had no idea what was happening.  So, many people were needlessly evacuated from office buildings downtown and the Stock market even took a brief hit because of the panic.  

You really just have to love the FAA and Homeland Security.  Since 9/11, people have been told to report anything that seems suspicious.  While this thought might not occur to government bureaucrats, the sight of a 747 flying 200 feet over lower manhattan in the general vicinity of the statue of liberty would tend to freak out about 99.99% of the population.

At least Homeland Security is consistent.  They fail to warn us of actual terror attacks as well as events that are staged.  It is totally ok to close down an airport because someone accidentally went through a metal detector without removing their shoes but not enough to warn people about a civilian airliner that will be flying close enough to hit a building as part of a photo op.

On a more mundane note, we went back to work about 30 min after the evacuation and the market was rather boring.  Then again, it was going to be hard to top the events that had took place that morning.  Perhaps if Jack Bauer from "24" showed up and started mumbling about "getting CTU on the phone" it could have gotten better.

Peerless can't wait to see the NY Post tomorrow.

The stories people want to hear about the floor.

I realize many of the readers of this blog want to hear stories that are similar to what they see in the movies about Wall Street.  Luckily, more than a few of those have taken place and I can basically verify they are (for the most part) true.  Here are some of my favorites.....

1.  My first boss on the floor (the one responsible for Mr. Commando) literally made $1 million in 3 seconds.  In 1987, he was trading Silver and was standing in the middle of the pit so he could hear the order flow from all parts of the ring.  During a very busy market one day, one broker on the right side of where he was standing came in and offered 10,000 contracts of silver options at 10 ticks cheaper than the guy on the left side of my boss was bidding for them.  Because the market was so loud, the 2 other brokers couldn't hear each other but my Boss could hear both of them.  So, he bot the 10000 from the guy on his right and instantaneously sold them to the guy on his left and banked $1 million.  I think he celebrated his big trade by stopping at Dairy Queen on his way home from the office that day.

2.  Another guy was trading Crude Oil and had bot 1000's of far from the money call options and paid at the most 5 cents for each option.  He goes home from the market that night thinking that the market will never go to the level where it needs to be for those options to be worth any real money.  Over the course of the evening, a pipeline in Saudi Arabia gets bombed and sure enough, the position the trader put on for perhaps $10,000 is now worth $35 MILLION.  The next morning, he comes in, sells out his position to collect the $35 million, and leaves the floor for good.  In fact, no one has heard from him since then.

3.  In a story that doesn't involve making or losing millions:  A clerk shows up on for his first day and is told he will be the person who relays orders from a person standing in one pit to a guy who will execute his orders in a different market.  Lo and Behold, the market opens and is going crazy and this poor new fellow can't keep up with all the orders he is being given and trades he has to report.  He becomes so overwhelmed that he faints right there on the floor and they have to stop trading to get the medical staff to revive him.  When the new guy's boss is told his clerk fainted, he replies "Get him out of here, he is useless anyway."  I dont know if the kid got fired or quit but I never saw him again.

4.  I quit a job once in sheer terror because a guy threw a calculator at me.  I went to work for a very high strung Brazilian trader about 10 years ago in spite of warnings that he tended to not keep people employed for very long.  About 10 minutes into day 3 of my tenure there, he was doing a big trade and literally screams at me "WHAT IS MY POSITION" (meaning how many futures has he bot and is he net long or short).  Startled into action, I am fumbling with my calculator and come up with what I presume was the incorrect answer.  When I gave him my pathetic estimate, he gave a primal scream and threw his calculator at me, missing my head by 3 microns and smashing against the wall behind me.  Now, I must say, I have worked for some tough people in my lifetime (including a guy who was the highest level black belt in Tae Kwon Do in the S Korean army) but this guy was too much for me.  I excused myself from the desk, went to the mens room, and made a very shaky phone call to my old boss to ask for my former job back.  Luckily, they didn't fill the position yet and I went back to my old (new) job as if nothing ever happened.  I will write more about this episode another time because there are many more funny details to it.

5.  I will call the main guy in this story "Taxi Driver".  Several years ago, a big time broker from the trading floor (no longer there) apparently had a big night on the town with a woman who wasn't his wife.  Apparently, the mood escalated to a situation where they needed a hotel room for the evening.  Our guy hails a taxi cab and it takes him and the woman to a hotel.  Thinking nothing of the ride, he pays the driver and checks into the establishment for the night.  The next day, he goes home and finds the Police waiting for him at his house with his wife. It turns out the Taxi Driver was tragically murdered and our hero was the last person seen with the driver.  So, now our guy has to come forth with his Alibi- the other woman who could corroborate she was with him in the hotel.  He tries to pull the cops to the side and explain to them the situation and "could they help him out a little bit."  The cops respond that the other woman is his problem and he better just admit where he was so they don't arrest him.  Therefore, he is cleared of any wrong doing but it ultimately cost him is marriage.

Sometimes, true life is better than fiction.

Is it stressful on the trading floor?

It should be no surprise that in a profession racked with a constant bombardment of stress and pressure, people have many stress related illnesses.  After my first week there, I remember phoning home to my mother and telling her I felt as if I went 13 rounds in a boxing ring and got my ass kicked.  The fact is, we work in an environment where we had more than 1 person shouting at us at the same time and seemed as if we were trying to have a conversation inside a jet engine.  I can recall on more than 1 occasion when I yelled at a broker and neither of us could here what we were saying because the market was whipping around in a frenzy.  

Then there are the phones, each clerk has a small desk with a bank of at least 5 phones in front of him/her.  Sometimes, 5 phones are not enough to handle the amount of chatter that can take place when a market moves.  I used to think it was funny before I went to work on a trading floor when I saw a sit-com where all the phones rang at once.  Now, I literally get nightmares where I wake up sweating because I can't answer all the phones on time or I am trying to call a client and the call doesn't go through.  Another thing that amazes me about when the phones ring all at once is that basically people all over the world trading in my market react at the same time and try to call in to trade.  It is almost as if there is some underlying current that shocks all these people around the world into action at once.  

So combine the noise, the yelling to try to communicate with your co-workers, and the phones you need to answer at once and it becomes pure Lunacy.  Oh, and don't forget the fact that so much money is riding on the outcome of the market that people will get upset with you if they feel their orders were not handled properly.  So, one has to try and concentrate on the matter at hand and block out the other noise.  It is a pure sensory overload.

I always laugh to myself when I hear people who don't work in my profession tell us we have such easy hours (I finish work in the early afternoon). The effects of the open outcry trading take such a toll on you and it drains your energy.  Believe me, I have worked jobs where I put in 72/hours a week and they weren't as demanding as what transpires every day on the floor.

After mentioning all of the above factors, I estimate to know over 25 floor people I worked with who have passed away since 1999. I am not even taking into account those people who were killed on 9/11.  These people simply died from Heart Attacks, Strokes, or Cancer.  Some I knew really well, others I knew from passing.  A couple of the fatalities were very sad for me.  

I watched in horror once as a guy died on the spot from a heart attack and was dead before the EMS could do anything.  The messed up thing about his death was it was in a different market and the wizards in charge of the product I was trading decided to carry on trading while this poor soul was stretchered off the floor.  So, those of us who saw it happen had to carry on like nothing happened while the people who knew the deceased were crying.  

Another fellow worked in my market for over 20 years and was diagnosed with advanced liver cancer and died only 3 months later.  His passing affected many of us, especially the ones who knew him over the 20 years he was there.  Then another guy who was very popular overdosed on prescription meds and I witnessed the despair of the people who tried to get him to stop using but to no avail.  

Sometimes, a guy goes home on Friday and just doesn't come back to work and we find out on Monday he expired.  The custom when someone from the floor dies is to have a moment of silence at 11 AM.  Sometimes, people forget there is a moment of silence and talk into the phones as if nothing is happening.  Once, I really tore 2 people a new asshole because they were talking on the phone while a moment of silence was being held for I guy I knew.  

Actually, I don't know many other professions (Military, Coal Mining, Fire Jumping) where so many people seem to die on the job and being relatively young.  I certainly don't want to make light of professions where people put their lives on the line to help others.  But, sometimes I just think about what I have seen in 10 years and wonder if I want to still be working there when I am 50.  

I joke with my wife that we could go back to her native Brazil and sell Pineapples on the Beach and I think I am only half playing around.  All I know is that the vacations I like to take now involve a lot of fresh air and beautiful nature.

 

Some of the Characters from the Floor

Normally, being introduced to a guy who was a hit man on the first day of your new job (see earlier post) would probably be the highlight (or lowlight) for anyone in their career. However, I was on the way to meeting many more people who were quite colorful- even if they didnt have the necessary experience to kill or maim you if they wanted to do so.  Here are some of these players.  I will refer to these people by nicknames.

#1.  The Cooler.  Just like the main character in the movie with the same title, this guy had no luck whatsoever.  In fact, I used to ask him who he thought would win every week during football season and I would bet the other side.  If he would have told me the Lions would beat the Christians, I would have bet heavily on the Christians.  A funny story about this guy and his bad luck was that another broker actually kept Holy Water in his Desk and whenever The Cooler would come and talk to him, he would sprinkle the desk with the Holy Water.

#2.  Mr Panama. I had a client once who worked for a Japanese Trade House in NYC (but he was of Latin Origin).  This man might have been the biggest BS artist I ever met and whenever his Boss came to his desk, he would pretend to act busy and call me on the Phone to ask some stupid question.  The reason I call him Mr. Panama is because his claim to fame was being able to go to any Strip bar in Panama and be able to Pick up the stripper and I always had to listen to him tell me how he worked his magic.  He didn't seem to listen to me when I would chime in that all it takes to pick up a stripper is the right amount of $$$$$ and also brushed off when I questioned why his technique only worked in Panama and not Honduras or even Bolivia.  He has since retired and I assume he is now living in Panama City and spending his time at a place called "Tierra Felize."

#3.  The Aviator.  The Aviator was a 22 year old kid who came to the floor and thought he was smarter than all of us hacks and that he was going to make millions in his first year and then retire by 23.  We could be talking about something totally non related to the market and would chime in with his expert opinion.  No matter where you had traveled or seen, this kid always had a story that he had been there or did that.  I call him the Aviator because one time he added his unwanted opinion to a conversation I was having so I asked him "Have you ever Piloted a 747?'  His response was "No but I sat in the cockpit of one."  The Aviator's run at financial domination ended after 6 weeks on the floor when he lost a shitload of money trading and tried to hide it from his Boss.  The Boss found out and fired him, which meant he could add "getting fired from my first job" to his list of experiences he could tell people.

#4 Mr Israeli Commando. My first boss on the floor was a very religious Jewish person who spent extensive time in Israel throughout his life.  He was always bringing in Israelis either to work for him in trading other markets or just to show them what the floor of a real commodity exchange looked like.  Once, he brought down this guy and was telling us in advance how the fellow was once a bigshot soldier in Israel and served in the Israeli version of Delta Force. My Boss was bragging to me that Mr. Commando was going to be the best trader ever because he was used to working under extreme pressure.  Well, Mr Commando lasted 2 weeks before he quit.  He told us he was clausterphobic and couldn't stand in the trading pit with all the other brokers because he would hyperventilate.  So, I guess infiltrating Syria from the Golan Heights was no big deal but standing in close proximity to 30 other traders was worse than anything the Hamas or Hezbollah could do.

#5.  Mr. Coffee.  Actually a very good friend of mine, Mr. Coffee is an older gentleman who traded (you guessed it) coffee and is now retired after making $$$$$$.  He was quite a character and a bit eccentric.  Once, a bunch of us went to a strip club and we observed him quietly pickpocketing $20 bills from a stripper's G String.  He delighted in telling us how he was the only person who would go to a strip club and come out ahead of the game.  When Mr. Coffee got drunk, he liked to say he was Chuck Norris and would go around trying to fight us.  Once, at a customer dinner, he had me in a headlock and was screaming "live or die"  while the client and the rest of the Palm Steak House looked on horrified.  To top it off, he was really drunk and started yelling at me "I am the man who made the coffee market what it is today.  Without me, a whole generation of Coffee Guys would no nothing about wine women or song.!!!!"  When I replied to him they would also have more money because they wouldnt have learned to pay for Hookers, he dove across a banquet and put me in a full nelson.  At that point, the Maitre d' came over to the table and said we had to leave.

Again, these are only a few of the People who made an impression on me.  I will talk about more of them as the memories flow back.

What is it really like on the trading floor?

I have been asked this question many times in the past 10 years...what is it like on the trading floor?  People think that where I work is somehow romantic and intoxicating with power.  They see the portrayals on TV about Wall Street and think that somehow we all make Millions of $$$$ and don't ever feel pain or doubt about our existence.  I can tell all of you this one fact- those who will tell you that our life is one big power trip are totally full of shit.  

Where I work is the ultimate Mindfuck.  I have seen people who all of thought were making Millions go bankrupt.  Then I have seen some of the people who wear the same pair of smelly pants to work for 14 days in a row make enough to just retire at age 35.  They were only wearing the same shitty pair of pants because it brought them luck every day.

In reality, going to work on the floor is like going to prison.  I mentioned this thought in the previous post but I will explain in greater detail.  Most of the people I work with were graduates of High School but nothing more.  They were intelligent people who were too lazy to go to college but had a sharp enough mind to make $$$$ in the floor in a fast paced life style. These guys are Hustlers in the truest sense of the word.  

Many of the people I mentioned above are just as quick in their thoughts as a computer and make money even though they would not be able to explain how they manage to do so.  In fact, my former boss, who was a college graduate but just didn't give a shit could tell me a value of an option quicker than a computer program I had that was designed by a Nobel Prize Winner.  When I asked him once how he knew that was the value (after I saw the computer confirmed his answer), he told me it was "I know what I know so fuck off."

On a more mundane level, I realized within 2 minutes of my new job on the floor that almost anything illegal I wanted could be bought there.  People dealt drugs (I was drug free but I observed).  If someone wanted illegal Cuban Cigars, I knew someone who sold them.  Did you want to see "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" before it hit the Movie Theaters? No problem, someone could sell it to you with the original DVD quality copy.  What about something more lower class? Thats fine, someone could offer you "The Women of Rikers Island" for $2.99.  Finally, suppose you are single and can't get laid to save your life.  Someone there was a pimp and could set you up with a fine mami for "only" $500.  

I realized early on that basically anything you could want, someone would sell it to you.  You might ask my thoughts on this system.  Honestly, it was all a bit overwhelming to me and I just accepted it as a way of life.  I learned by osmosis that people simply operated differently than I ever did before I went to the floor.  

Sometimes, I thought that the floor was simply a cover business for people to sell whatever they wanted.  Ok, so someone was a computer clerk but he made 10x more money by selling drugs.  Great, good for him. I didn't give a shit.  I never bot drugs for 2 reasons. #1- I am a long distance runner.  Any drug (including alcohol which I do partake in) will hurt my performance.  #2 I believe in a stubborn way that any money one spends for drugs is somehow surrendering the money they make for a bullshit cause.  Therefore I wont give up money for any narcotics.  Just to show you how anal I am, If I win money in Atlantic City, I refuse to buy a $20 cheeseburger because I think somehow I am giving back what I fairly won for something I didn't need.

Of course, you also had people who worked there but it was simply a front for laundering money.  I saw people who claimed they traded but spent more time selling Rolexes that they said "fell off a truck." It was rather obvious how they really made money but I didn't give 2 shits.  Everyone had a gimmick and the truth was you didn't want to deny them their opportunity to make $$$$$.  

So there you have it.  All of us on the floor are shooting the moon for what we believe we should earn in life.  Some of us are trying with our minds, others are trying with their personality, and still others are trying to scheme.  

The next time you look at a TV snapshot of people in the trading pit, with arms akimbo and screaming frantically, try to see it is a microcosm of life.  All of us are flailing against fate and trying to make a name and wealth for ourselves against the odds that life has dealt us.  In the end Hope is the great equalizer against the cold stone of reality.

Peerless lands on the trading floor, meets a real hit man

In 1999, I left my job as VP of Grains Trading for a brokerage house in NYC and decided to go to the Exchange trading floor (hereafter known as "The Floor") and learn about commodity options while I was applying to the MBA Program at NYU Stern. I had several contacts with a company that traded Sugar and when they learned I wanted to leave my position at the Grains Desk, offered up the idea they had a position open if I wanted to come and apply for the job.  

So it was with a sense of curiosity that I showed up on the floor of the commodities exchange at 4 WTC in the week before Thanksgiving in 1999.  Thinking I needed to make a good first impression, I wore my custom tailored suit and had several copies of my resume printed on high quality paper at Kinko's.  When I was introduced to the head of the options brokerage, I offered up my resume, which he took and proceeded to crumple into a ball and throw into the trash can.  As he did this, he told me my past experience didn't really mean shit and that as long as I could produce clients who gave orders for him to trade, he would teach me everything about options "because he knew everything there was to know about them and didn't need a fucking computer to tell him he was right when he traded."  

The other partner in the Sugar Operation was the guy I knew previously and encouraged me to apply for the job.  It was obvious he was the "good Cop" of the operation and he proceeded to apologize for his partner's abrupt behavior and explained that if I could be good at introducing new clients to the company, not only would I learn all about options but they would pay me $$$$$ for my efforts.  However, they could only afford to pay me a flat salary that in 1999 would have barely covered dry cleaning on a weekly basis.  The upside however was unlimited. So, it was with that soft sell that I trepidly accepted the job and went to the trading floor.

My first day on the floor resembled when "fresh meat" is brought into the Prison Yard.  I was escorted in by my new boss past a metal detector (apparently trading and firearms dont mix) and into the trading pit.  As I walked through, people who seemed to be extras from either the Sopranos or Mad Max stared at me with a gleam of Hatred in their eyes.  It was almost as if they were saying "welcome to hell and we will send you home crying for your mother within 3 days".  

As I was doing this "perp Walk", a very large man with visible scars on his neck and a head that literally had dents in it stared at me.  This fellow's fingers were about the size of bananas and he literally looked like death warmed over would not stop staring at me.  My new boss told me that is Gianni (not real name) and he did time in a Fed Pen for attempted murder.  I asked what exactly he did and the story I got was that he went to shoot someone but the bullets were deformed so the ammo just bounced off the victim's head instead of going inside his skull. Therefore, Gianni was unlucky and got an 8 year sentence.

I immediately questioned whether it was a good idea to work in a place where you could serve Jail Time and still be allowed to work there after your debt to society was served.

Gianni was the first of many interesting people I met.  By the way, he is a very nice guy when you get to know him.  I never did ask him about why he went to jail nor do I want to.  In fact, one time he saw me walking with my father and came up to us and said "God Bless".

How can I have a problem with such a nice man as he is?  

Introducing Peerless Phil

For the sake of simplicity (and not pissing off others), I will introduce myself as Peerless Phil. Born in the happier times of the 1970's and raised in S Philadelphia, I seemed destined to join the majority of my friends and live my entire life in the "City of Brotherly Love" to boo all the athletic teams and throw snowballs at Santa Claus.

Fortunately, fate decided that I had a skill for memorization of trivia and numbers and was able to parlay my knack of rattling off any sports stat imaginable when I was 6 years old into learning 5 foreign languages- Including Mandarin Chinese.  This skill propelled me into Penn State University and the Honors Program along with employment interest from several companies upon graduation. 

I eventually decided to join with a major grain trading company and promptly moved from the East Coast to the Heartland of America to trade Corn, Wheat, and Soybeans.  What followed was hilarity as a city kid basically had to learn all sorts of things that would only be important if one were to have grown up on a farm.  

Following the posting in the Midwest US, I was sent to China to work because of my Language Skills in Mandarin.  Further hilarity ensued as I traveled all over rural China to trade agricultural products, often going 1 week or more without speaking English.

Finally, after 3 years I moved to NYC in 1996 and wound up on the trading floor to set up my own business in options trading.  While in this current location, I have met so many people that can only be described as "characters" and sometimes seem to be from casting central for a Wall Street or Mafia type movie.

In this blog, I will try to relate some of the funniest stories I have experienced in my career. I realize everyone has a Blog now and some people use Twitter for every time the use the toilet. I, however, am writing here because I want my friends and Wife to get a good laugh.

With the above ideas in mind, please feel free to comment as I post.

Sincerely yours, 

The Peerless Forecaster