Some of the Characters from the Floor

Normally, being introduced to a guy who was a hit man on the first day of your new job (see earlier post) would probably be the highlight (or lowlight) for anyone in their career. However, I was on the way to meeting many more people who were quite colorful- even if they didnt have the necessary experience to kill or maim you if they wanted to do so.  Here are some of these players.  I will refer to these people by nicknames.

#1.  The Cooler.  Just like the main character in the movie with the same title, this guy had no luck whatsoever.  In fact, I used to ask him who he thought would win every week during football season and I would bet the other side.  If he would have told me the Lions would beat the Christians, I would have bet heavily on the Christians.  A funny story about this guy and his bad luck was that another broker actually kept Holy Water in his Desk and whenever The Cooler would come and talk to him, he would sprinkle the desk with the Holy Water.

#2.  Mr Panama. I had a client once who worked for a Japanese Trade House in NYC (but he was of Latin Origin).  This man might have been the biggest BS artist I ever met and whenever his Boss came to his desk, he would pretend to act busy and call me on the Phone to ask some stupid question.  The reason I call him Mr. Panama is because his claim to fame was being able to go to any Strip bar in Panama and be able to Pick up the stripper and I always had to listen to him tell me how he worked his magic.  He didn't seem to listen to me when I would chime in that all it takes to pick up a stripper is the right amount of $$$$$ and also brushed off when I questioned why his technique only worked in Panama and not Honduras or even Bolivia.  He has since retired and I assume he is now living in Panama City and spending his time at a place called "Tierra Felize."

#3.  The Aviator.  The Aviator was a 22 year old kid who came to the floor and thought he was smarter than all of us hacks and that he was going to make millions in his first year and then retire by 23.  We could be talking about something totally non related to the market and would chime in with his expert opinion.  No matter where you had traveled or seen, this kid always had a story that he had been there or did that.  I call him the Aviator because one time he added his unwanted opinion to a conversation I was having so I asked him "Have you ever Piloted a 747?'  His response was "No but I sat in the cockpit of one."  The Aviator's run at financial domination ended after 6 weeks on the floor when he lost a shitload of money trading and tried to hide it from his Boss.  The Boss found out and fired him, which meant he could add "getting fired from my first job" to his list of experiences he could tell people.

#4 Mr Israeli Commando. My first boss on the floor was a very religious Jewish person who spent extensive time in Israel throughout his life.  He was always bringing in Israelis either to work for him in trading other markets or just to show them what the floor of a real commodity exchange looked like.  Once, he brought down this guy and was telling us in advance how the fellow was once a bigshot soldier in Israel and served in the Israeli version of Delta Force. My Boss was bragging to me that Mr. Commando was going to be the best trader ever because he was used to working under extreme pressure.  Well, Mr Commando lasted 2 weeks before he quit.  He told us he was clausterphobic and couldn't stand in the trading pit with all the other brokers because he would hyperventilate.  So, I guess infiltrating Syria from the Golan Heights was no big deal but standing in close proximity to 30 other traders was worse than anything the Hamas or Hezbollah could do.

#5.  Mr. Coffee.  Actually a very good friend of mine, Mr. Coffee is an older gentleman who traded (you guessed it) coffee and is now retired after making $$$$$$.  He was quite a character and a bit eccentric.  Once, a bunch of us went to a strip club and we observed him quietly pickpocketing $20 bills from a stripper's G String.  He delighted in telling us how he was the only person who would go to a strip club and come out ahead of the game.  When Mr. Coffee got drunk, he liked to say he was Chuck Norris and would go around trying to fight us.  Once, at a customer dinner, he had me in a headlock and was screaming "live or die"  while the client and the rest of the Palm Steak House looked on horrified.  To top it off, he was really drunk and started yelling at me "I am the man who made the coffee market what it is today.  Without me, a whole generation of Coffee Guys would no nothing about wine women or song.!!!!"  When I replied to him they would also have more money because they wouldnt have learned to pay for Hookers, he dove across a banquet and put me in a full nelson.  At that point, the Maitre d' came over to the table and said we had to leave.

Again, these are only a few of the People who made an impression on me.  I will talk about more of them as the memories flow back.